Passion
If I were to sit down and think about exactly what I’m missing right now, it would be passion. Call it boredom of the daily drudgery, call it over-medication, call it tiredness, but it all boiles down to that one thing.
Losing interest in what you love is one of the clearest symptoms of depression, but it’s also one of the clearest symptoms of general frustration and boredom. I can’t find it in me to pick up a craft project anymore, they scare me; so big, unwieldy, and possibly endless. And where to find the time? Even on days when I’m productive and Get Things Done, I don’t even get part of my to-do list completed, so there’s no time to add more to it.
Things I used to love, weeks or even years ago: craft, reading, being outside, exploring, walking, singing, performing, writing, drawing/painting, sewing. Things I have lost my passion for: all of the above.
I forgot that I loved singing until I watched a programme last night about a school choir. The buzz before a performance, the feeling of being part of something, the fun of it all… I don’t know if I’d be too self-conscious now, given it has been thirteen years since I’ve sung in public, but I might look into joining one of the uni choirs next semester, if I can find one that doesn’t take itself too seriously and (perhaps most importantly) doesn’t require auditioning.
I tried to get back into exploring by dragging A to Cramond last Saturday, and that was really good - I think we both really enjoyed it, despite the severe frostbite! Perhaps I’ll look into planning more random trips, see just how far we can get on a bus.
I am trying to get my passion back. It may be a long road, but I’ve taken the first step.
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
Redness
Make it a short road so it passes quickly. Writing helps, Take Care
Feb 23rd, 2008
Betty C.
I don’t know where you’re at in life age-wise and I’m not denying that you are depressed, but I find there are also times in life that passions wane. Winter is a big time for that…
Anyway, I wish you all the best in finding your passions again.
Feb 23rd, 2008
Kamsin
I hope you can find your passion again! I saw that programme about the school choir, it practically made me cry to hear how the whole experience had touched the boys involved. And the singing teacher was really inspirational. He really took a massive risk to try to inject a love of singing in a very anti-singing culture. His passion for singing was very clear and what amazing results he achieved!
But yeah, baby steps…join a choir…take a trip…here’s to finding passion in the everyday!
Feb 23rd, 2008
paisley
i have dug myself the same passionless hole… funny thing is,, when faced with the possibility of getting out… i don’t want to leave it…… i wonder if passion is something that will just return some day unannounced… i guess we will have to hope so,, as i do not believe one can force it…..
Feb 23rd, 2008
GreenishLady
I know that “blah” feeling, not able t get started with anything, and you are doing the right thing in making yourself take the step of doing things anyway. You’ll kick-start the energy you need to feel truly passionate about things. Good luck with it.
Feb 23rd, 2008
Heather
Self-awareness is a good thing, I think you are on the right track to getting your passion back!
Good luck!
Heather
Feb 24th, 2008
javacurls
I hope your first step leads you to feel the passion of the things you once loved. All the best in finding your mojo!
Feb 25th, 2008
Tumblewords
Sometimes, passion cools a bit - fan it and it bounces back again - it’s pretty hard to get rid of passion… Well-written post!
Feb 25th, 2008
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