Blogaroo

How and when did you learn to swim?
I learnt to swim quite young, such is the fate of a child born to generations of pool attendants! A mixture of Dad teaching me and proper lessons, although I still have all the technique of a one-finned trout.

How and when did you learn to drive?
I finally passed my test when I was 22, after learning for about a year (bar interruptions because of Mum’s illness). I hated learning to drive, I hated that hour ever Sunday morning. It was painful, both physically and mentally, but ironically, once I passed my test I loved being in the car.

How and when did you learn to tie your shoelaces?
I honestly couldn’t tell you! All I know is that I was much younger than I am now!

How and when did you learn to cook?
Most of my cookery is random and self taught, or involves taking a recipe and modifying it to the extent that it becomes unrecognisable. I learnt out of necessity when I was on a very limited diet where I had to eat fresh meals every night. It’s still not something I love, but I don’t hate it (unless it’s at the end of a long day and all I want to do is phone for a pizza delivery).

How and when did you learn to type?
This in’t what you would call typing, really. I had typing lessons (on typewriters!) at school, and spent some time with Mavis Beacon, but I’m still faster when using my own personal typing style. Small hands make traditional typing slow!

Le Friday 5:

1. What’s a pretty good sign that your day at work or school is going to be rough?
I can generally tell before I leave the house - if I don’t like what I’m wearing or don’t feel good in myself then the rest of the day just won’t work.

2. What’s a pretty good sign that your day at work or school is going to be terrific?
If the sun shines, I’m happy, and that always helps.

3. What’s a pretty good sign that you should probably eat out?
When the only thing in the fridge is Quorn. As is currently the case. How did we manage to do a whole shop but the only food-like thing in the place is Quorn?!

4. What’s a pretty good sign that you’re going to spend more money than you should?
If I shop with A. He is way too good at encouraging me to buy things that I really shouldn’t…

5. What’s a pretty good sign that someone you’ve just met is going to be a pretty good friend?
If we can chat away without a problem from the get-go, we’ll be fine. If it’s at all stilted, or awkward, we’re doomed.

If I were to sit down and think about exactly what I’m missing right now, it would be passion. Call it boredom of the daily drudgery, call it over-medication, call it tiredness, but it all boiles down to that one thing.

Losing interest in what you love is one of the clearest symptoms of depression, but it’s also one of the clearest symptoms of general frustration and boredom. I can’t find it in me to pick up a craft project anymore, they scare me; so big, unwieldy, and possibly endless. And where to find the time? Even on days when I’m productive and Get Things Done, I don’t even get part of my to-do list completed, so there’s no time to add more to it.

Things I used to love, weeks or even years ago: craft, reading, being outside, exploring, walking, singing, performing, writing, drawing/painting, sewing. Things I have lost my passion for: all of the above.

I forgot that I loved singing until I watched a programme last night about a school choir. The buzz before a performance, the feeling of being part of something, the fun of it all… I don’t know if I’d be too self-conscious now, given it has been thirteen years since I’ve sung in public, but I might look into joining one of the uni choirs next semester, if I can find one that doesn’t take itself too seriously and (perhaps most importantly) doesn’t require auditioning.

I tried to get back into exploring by dragging A to Cramond last Saturday, and that was really good - I think we both really enjoyed it, despite the severe frostbite! Perhaps I’ll look into planning more random trips, see just how far we can get on a bus.

I am trying to get my passion back. It may be a long road, but I’ve taken the first step.

Being awake at 4am has few things going for it. But I glossed over the four hours sleep part (four hours? Ouch.) and got on with the ever growing list of things to do.  It’s much easier to work when there are no distractions like regularly updated blogs and news websites, when A isn’t around to distract, when you get to have that smug glow of, “hey, all of these people aren’t even up and I’m doing work!”. I can only wonder how amazing a person I would be if they’d never invented the internet, although it would make working as a web designer somewhat difficult (but saved me two hours in Photoshop this morning).

One of the most frustrating aspects of what I do is that I’m reliant on technology, and I’m reliant on it working. While A has a little smidgen of control over the server, I’d be lost if something happened when he wasn’t around. I only realise that when working on another server altogether, a server that neither of us can control, one that currently won’t let me upload certain files but will allow others, one that is repeatedly asking for my password over and over again and will sometimes let me in and sometimes not.

Even the technology I do have some control over is annoying me right now - why has my laptop suddenly decided that I shouldn’t be allowed to shut it down, only log out or go onto standby? Why won’t my iPod let me listen to songs while charging via USB? Why can I never tell when my toast is ready without switching it off (and, inevitably, on again when my toast isn’t ready)?

Perhaps one day I will solve these problems, but I can’t do it right now - the internet is waking up, you know.

I am looking forward to spring. Snowdrops are out now, daffodils are starting to peek out from the ground, and temperatures have been above freezing - even at night.

I’m starting to think about seeds and plants for the summer seeing as we’ll probably be staying put this year (unless they’ve already remarketed the flat seeing as we haven’t returned the form yet!). Second-floor gardening in Scotland isn’t easy, but I’d like to get some herbs growing early so we can have them all summer, and I think probably more vegetable plants. Last year we grew three tomato plants and a pepper plant in the flat, and the pepper is still alive and well and bearing slightly freakishly-shaped fruits. I also need to find some way of stopping window boxes jumping to their deaths whenever a breeze picks up - we’ve lost so many window boxes through there suicidal tendencies now that I just don’t trust them anymore.

Flowers would be nice, too, but they’re honestly becoming of secondary importance. A plant needs to earn its keep around here to justify a place in our small flat, and if it’s a competition between one day eating the fruits of our labour, or just watching it bloom, then eating wins every time.

I’m thinking it’s going to be another sore year for my bank account as I buy up everything we need. You might want to invest in Homebase now…

After finally setting up a domain for this blog, and then installing Wordpress through Fantastico, the first thing Wordpress does is to tell me that a new version is available and I should manually update. I’m pretty sure this is a shooting offence, Wordpress - at least leave it a day or two to give me that “New User Glow” - make me realise how much I can’t live without you before putting me through the pain of updates!

This is the main reason I generally prefer any sort of hosted web app. The free ones, anyway. I just sign up, type away, and you take care of the grudge work? That sounds more like it to me! Still, it’s worth running your own blog, just for the safer feeling of knowing where all of your data is. In this case, Texas.

Now I just need to find a theme, import past entries, organise categories and widgets… oh, the joys! Still, in the meantime, welcome to Blogaroo! Sit down, make yourself comfortable - just don’t look in the medicine cabinet, we’re not properly unpacked yet!

Being something of a chocolate connoisseur - and when I say connoisseur I mean “mass consumer”, obviously - it would be foolish of me not to recommend some to you; and in this case I’m recommending the best chocolate I have every had the luck of tasting.

Montezuma’s chocolate don’t lie when they say their chocolate is smooth. It is smooth like an aging DJ, smooth like a rock worn away by a stream for a thousand years, smooth like ice. And if smooth just isn’t enough for you (are you insane?) then you can go for variety, with flavourings including fruits, mints, nuts and spices - the cinnamon and nutmeg chocolate is pure, simple, perfection.

If you live in the South of England then you’re sorted, because you can visit the Montezuma shops, which are palaces of chocolatey wonder. When I visited the Brighton shop you would’ve thought I’d never seen a chocolate button before - it was only sheer force that got me to leave, so amazed was I by my surroundings. For those of us not in the South - probably good for our bank balances and sanity - Montezuma’s is somewhat erratically stocked in various independent shops; there is no “official” stockists on the Montezuma web site, but personal experience tells that those stockists include Real Foods in Edinburgh.

I’m in the market for a new haircut, but apparently the internet is not in the market for guiding me towards that haircut. I have thick-ish (it’s not really that thick, but there is a lot of it) dark brown hair which is currently just past shoulder-length. I am not very good at styling hair, although on a good day I will point the hairdryer at it for a few minutes. I’d like to avoid fringes if humanly possible, because the point that they stick to my head is just a step too far for me.

Layers? A bob (A is very keen on that, which may be because it’s the only hairstyle he knows the name of)? And is it at all possible to get a haircut in this City for less than £20?! Time will tell. Possible haircut updates to come!

Having spent the last half hour eating cereal like cereal was going out of fashion (and let me ask - has cereal ever been in fashion?) I’m now realising that I am the queen of all emotional eating. Sad? Tired? Just generally fed up? Oh yes, hand me the wheat, the dairy, and the cocoa beans. Sure, I know that when I’m finished I won’t be particularly pleased with myself, and - yes - might even dislike myself. And, whoa, there we go again. Don’t like myself? Have a bowl of Cookie Crisp!

So perhaps it’s time to sort all of this, to throw out the self-loathing, and with it the sugar. Whether or not it’s practical should really be irrelevant - what to I want more? Health or hatred? Happiness or, mmm, Cookie Crisp…